Who I Am When I’m With My Brother
I have been thinking a lot about where we can find our genuine selves — if a “genuine self” even exists given the different masks we have to wear throughout the day. I believe that all the experiences we have had in our lives shape the people we become, but still, at the core, there is the you that exists without the need to be presented in any certain way. Like how a chalkboard can be used to teach many different subjects, but at the end of the day, everything is erased, and it’s just a blank chalkboard.
Perhaps you would think to look at who you are when you’re all alone to find your genuine self, but that doesn’t tell us much about the ways we interact with others.
It may be impossible to locate that clean-chalkboard version of ourselves, so for myself, I posed a simpler question: Who do I want to be? By asking this question, I was searching for the version of myself that seems most genuine to me.
After the question had come and gone from my mind a few times, after thoughts of my best friends had danced through my brain, and thoughts of charisma and insecurity had all been exhausted, I decided to move on, unable to find an answer.
Until a few minutes later, when I was about to fall asleep, I jolted awake because the answer had hit me. I realized that I feel the most like myself when I am with my brother.
It would seem to make sense that our comfort level with someone would dictate how genuinely we present ourselves to them. I’ve known my brother for a very long time (my whole life in fact!), so I never feel forced to act a certain way with him. The version of me when I’m with my brother is not always my favorite version of myself, but overall, she’s a fun and effortless character to portray.
The thing I love about who I am when I’m with my brother is that I am not afraid. I am not afraid to be honest. I am not afraid to laugh. I am not afraid to talk about my dreams and goals and hopes and fears. I’m not afraid to be myself.
So with all the other people I talk to throughout the day, my goal is to be more like who I am when I am with my brother.